I don’t know about you guys, but man has my motivation plummeted. I, like all of you during the first week of 2021 had my manifestations written down in my new planner. I was ready to take on the new year with concrete intentions. Now, we are in week two of 2021 and I am stuck, I have 0 motivation to strive for a goal. The knowledge was 2021 not being too different from 2020 was in my brain but, a girl can dream.

This past week which is not even over yet has been a struggle. I am still remotely teaching from home and I am talking to myself for 40 minutes. The middle schoolers have not been too chatty and I can't blame them. I personally don't want to converse on a computer all day but, I do because it is my job and I have bills to pay. In all realness though, I also do it because I want to be there for my students. I am unfortunately losing the gas in my inspiration tank. I have 20 miles left with no gas station in sight. I am a true Gemini that needs constant stimulation to feel alive and that has been hard to find. …

Our feelings begin with a thought, that thought becomes an emotion, that emotion turns into action. As a passionate Gemini, my emotions can run the show some days. Many passionate people like myself feel deeply. In fact, we feel so deeply that we pretend to be emotionless. We put up this front that emotions are for the weak meanwhile we will hysterically cry in isolation. Throughout my life, I have been told I am either super happy or super pissed off, there is no in-between. I used to take the pride in that statement. I used it as a “Don’t mess with me” complex. …

Being in a relationship in 2020 was a trip. You either made it or you didn't. That is a devastating fact that trampled over couples this year. The COVID-19 pandemic caused us all to quarantine and stay home. The “Stay- at Home” order caused couples to be all up in each other's spaces or they weren't able to see one another. This massive shift of our normalcy took a toll on many relationships and many of them ended in divorce or a break-up.

An observation I’ve always had about relationships in this day and age is people tend to see a problem and leave for a new one. When circumstances become less like a romantic comedy movie and more like reality, people bounce. Why is that? This was occurring far before the pandemic then COVID happened and stuck a fork in this romance culture. The issue is people are romanticizing their relationship. Movies make us believe that love should be easy. That you’ll find your soulmate, fall in love, and live happily ever after. So, when that’s not the formula going on in our relationships, we panic. Something must be wrong and it’s time to move on. Now, yes don’t get me wrong if you feel that your relationship is toxic and is disturbing your inner peace, leave. …

As this emotional rollercoaster of a year comes to an end, everyone is looking to the future. As I scroll through social media, I see all the detox scams and inspirational quotes. Let’s be real though, when the clock strikes 12 our reality will not change. We will still be dealing with a global pandemic, an economic depression, and a chaotic government. Do not chase happiness into the new year. January will not be able to provide it for you. Shelf the idea, that 2021 will instantly be better without any hard work. Do you know what creates happiness? Not a new year or a new you. …

The saying goes “When you point the finger at someone, you have three pointed back at you.” My mind was blown that day during health class in high school. We were on the topic of psychology, which I always found interesting. Observing what makes the human race tick is an endless exploration. After my teacher said that profound statement, I actually pointed my finger, and yes, people you have 3 of your fingers pointing back at you. Holy smokes!

My teacher then had us participate in a quick writing activity. The task was to write about someone you dislike and what are their qualities, what do you dislike about them? So, I wrote about my high school volleyball coach. She was a miserable woman and she took out her anger on us at practice. My coach also had anger issues, her moods could change at a drop of a hat. I never felt supported by her and she clearly had favorites. After our time was up for the quick write, my teacher went on to explain the qualities you despise in another person are often the qualities you despise in your own self. Hearing that statement made time stand still in that classroom. It was a moment of self-reflection. I re-read what I wrote about my coach and my heart was pounding. I realized I do have those qualities on my worst days. …

What a year it has been. This year, many people suffered from many hardships both physically and mentally. There has been loss, loss of loved ones, jobs, sanity, and faith. Hope seemed to be a mythical creature at some points. Yet, here we are. The human species is a remarkable thing, blossoming from tragic events. It truly amazes me how much we can handle daily. People showing strong we are in the midst of chaos.

Thanksgiving falling at the end of the year always seemed logical. It gives us time to reflect and give thanks for our opportunities. This year especially is a moment to find gratitude. Every morning since March I woke up wondering when all the madness was going to end and life would go back to normal. That wonder turned into compliance. The good ol’ “It is what it is” saying became my daily mantra. …

Throughout your life, you naturally wanted to be amazing at every skill or job life threw at you. Our human state at our core is, the aspiration to be wanted or needed. We enjoy being the friend everyone goes to for advice or the coworker that presents profession developments because we are doing a phenomenal job. The moment we feel useless or unsuccessful in our inner circles we collapse into ourselves. Thoughts flood our mind with “I am not good enough for this job.” “I not a present friend.” “ I am not giving my all to this relationship.” …

A moment to true peace has been hard to keep hold of. It seems as though every corner I turn, there is more chaos.

Almost as if someone is watching my happiness and can’t wait to idle it. I know, I am a strong woman who will climb her way out any dilemma.

I know I am a resilient person, no matter how hard I’m knocked down I get back up. The action of me getting back up lately has slowed down.

Frustration has been building up in me and I am beginning to explode. Not a hard explosion though, its more of a slow quiet one, where the lava is leaking out of me. …